My so called 'SOULMATE'

In this cruel world, it makes it a little bearable when you know that there is someone who understand your neurotic psyche. He may not be the prince you've been dreaming of, not the guy you are so obsessed with and him, being my male version... I highly doubt if I can really fully accept him. I mean, come on!!!!! Knowing myself, my loads of imperfections...I sometimes scare myself. Him, being my male version... There is no wonder why I keep running away. Maybe one day we can both stop running away from each other but for the meantime, I'm just happy to know he is there.

Goodbye Luv

Today I learn that one of my transition buddies passed. It is sudden and needless to say took me by surprise. It is very sad to lose another friend when you're not even really over losing the first one.

Luv, I want you to know that for us you are very special. You are loved and will always be missed. I hope when it's my time, you and Jai will be there to welcome me. And we will continue our crazy get togethers once again, the transition way. I love you. =(

Blogger

It really irritated me so when the blogger app is not downloadable due to my location.

posted from Bloggeroid

Something Sweet...

I was watching 'How I Met Your Mother' earlier, great show by the way... and there was this scene that I find extremely sweet,  Amazing and Sweet.... =)

Check it out!

A New Love?

People say that when you love someone, or if that someone is important to you, you will fight for that person to stay in your life. He is important to me... That's undeniable. I may even be in love with him but fight for him?

I learned it the hard way the painful lessons in love's battlefield.  In every war, there's always casualties. Most often than not, it is my heart that takes the beating.

I am a broken soldier, scarred, battered... Despite all that, I'm still willing to once again shed blood if my beloved would ask me to.

So to answer such question if I will fight for this oh so wonderful person, will I fight to keep this sunshine? Sure! But he has to ask me.

A one sided battle is already lost even from the beginning. I may be in love but I am not stupid. I'm sorry but that, I cannot change. I'd rather let you go now while I still can.

Love, Lies, and Alibis

What I am having a great deal of confusion is the fact that some people seems to be able to just have an on and off switch to their emotions. Today they love you, will do everything for you, will give up anything for you, offer you marriage and commitment, offer you 'forever' and the next day... he can just discard everything. When a great relationship ends suddenly, one can't help but think and look back, one can't help but wonder in the story that came to an end, which among them are lies? Had it been a lie from the very beginning? If it was indeed a great love like he said so, how can it be ended that soon? I don't even see him flinch when he lied to my face about where he was the night before.  Am I just really over reacting  If I'm still having doubts now even after more than a decade since I lost a great love? Can someone blame me if I really think it over before I dive to that pit of emotion whirlpool? Maybe I am too scared to love again, maybe I just don't need it, maybe I'm not ready or maybe I just haven't met someone who can make me take that risk again, someone worthy of that risk.

Looking back at 2012

My 2012 was one of my 'good year.' If I will compare it to 'suck-a-lot 2011,'

2012 is my Chase career's turning point. After more than two years of 'only God knows how to call it' my life finally turn for the better.

Looking back, I've made a lot of wrong choices but hell! It feels so right at that time so... KEBS!!
It's like 'shopping' while you are at it, every fiber of your body is shouting for joy, the ecstatic feeling is overflowing.  That's why even if you have to skip 'lunch' or some 'breaks' you just don't care.

Most of my 2012 was more of a routine. It was okay. It was good.

My 2013 has just started and if 2012 is good I will see to it that 2013 is better.

My Realization

I saw the love of my life today... He lost the 'boy next door' look. He no longer looks like the 'star jock' I fell in love with... But ironically, he still managed to take my breath away. Right there and then I realize why most of my relationships never worked out, no matter how hard I try, Right there I am staring at the very reason why it will never work out.

I may have loved every guy I've been with but it can never ever compare to what I feel to this man.

For him, I will be more than willing to change myself and be at peace with it. For him, I won't mind wasting hours to travel just to be with him for a minute or two. For him, I would give up my pride just to keep him by my side.

If I can only feel even half of the love I have for this man, I would surely been married by now...too bad I don't... Too bad I can't

ALLY MCBEAL QUOTES

Ally McBeal  is one of my most favorite TV shows  EVER! A perfect combination of laughter and tears.
I already lost count of how many times this TV show made me cry. Who will not fall in love with Larry Paul (played by the dashing, Mr. Iron Man himself, Robert Downey Jr) and mourn for the death of Billy Allen Thomas? Too bad the show was cancelled after it's fifth season and don't you just hate the idea she ended up with no one?? well, still... it's a darn good show. Here are some quotes from the show.

“There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some loves that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky enough to end up with somebody who has a little of that insanity. Someone who never lets go. Someone who cherishes you forever." –Ally

"I think that I need to believe that it works--love, couple-hood, partnerships. The idea that when people come together, they stay together. I have to take that with me to bed each night, even if I'm going to bed alone." - Ally McBeal

"The truth for me [is that] our friendship is the greatest thing I got going. I cherish it. And to put an honesty boundary on it... I don’t want to. So free fall with the truth and hope we both survive." - Ally to Billy

The world is no longer a romantic place. Some of its people still are, however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win, Ally McBeal. (John)

"We make so few promises to ourselves as we grow up. And one of them is that on our wedding day, we walk down the aisle with somebody we love. Somebody who does... make your heart bounce, I guess. And there are some promises, Harry, that I think we just have to keep." - Ally McBeal

"I don't condemn you for wanting somebody to love. I guess I just reject the notion that your life is empty without a man." - Ally McBeal

"Do you know what the most common insanity going today is? It is the idea that love will just come to you, even if you do nothing. 'Oh, the right one will come along. It will happen. You just wait.' Who the hell came up with that?!" - Ally McBeal

"Today's gonna be a, a less bad day, I can feel it. Sometimes I wake up and I just know everything's gonna be... less bad." - Ally McBeal

"Getting dumped isn't exactly a show of penance. If it were I'd be Mother Superior." - Ally McBeal

"It can't last forever, of course not. But who made up the rule that the best loves do?" - Ally McBeal

"Even if I knew my feelings, the last thing I would do is let myself trust them." - Ally McBeal

"There's nothing lonelier than being with the wrong guy." - Ally McBeal

My Someone....

I want someone who will engage me to a combatant argument and still choose to stay at the end of the day.
I want someone who knows the 101 personalities I have in me and be able to accept them all.
I want someone I will never get tired looking at.
I want someone that I can't live without. someone who will find it hard to breathe if I'm not at his side.
I want someone who knows how much big of a mess I am, how neurotic I can be and still choose to be with me.

My someone doesn't have to have looks of a movie star, no need to have a body of a model. You don't even need to have a car.

All I want for my someone is to love me and to STAY.

BEST of Barney Stinson

Let's all face it...he's a pig but he's AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!

How do you keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend?
Simple: The rules for girls are the same as Gremlins.
Rule number one: Never get them wet.
In other words, don’t let her take a shower in your place.
Rule number two: Keep them away from sunlight—i.e., don’t ever see them during the day.
And rule number three: Never feed them after midnight. Meaning she doesn’t sleep over, and you don’t have breakfast with her, ever.

Why do we need to wait before we make a call?
"Jesus waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect!
If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died.
They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I died yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..."
and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro..."
And he's not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, three.
Plus it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is dead", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story."

By 30, you should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.

2. How you feel about having kids. (Isang malaking ekis pa rin ako dito!!!!!)

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and
confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates
perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen
next.

6. The names of: the secretary of state, your
great-grandmother and the best tailor in town. ( hehehe! who are they again? Im sorry?)

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

8. How to take control of your own birthday.

9. That you can’t change the length of your
calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your
parents.

10. That your childhood may not have been
perfect, but it’s over.

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money
or love.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking,
drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why
you shouldn’t take it personally.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t
your fault.

15. Why they say life begins at 30. ( NOT YET, it's dreadfully scary)

By 30, you should have:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going
back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve
come.

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously
owned by anyone else in your family.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer
or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re
not ashamed to be seen carrying.

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking
forward to retelling it in your old age.

7. The realization that you are actually going to
have an old age—and some money set aside to help
fund it.

8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a
bank account—all of which nobody has access to but
you.

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit
padded.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and
one who lets you cry.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a
black lace bra.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you
bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.

13. The belief that you deserve it.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and
a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life
that don’t get better after 30.

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a
satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life
that do get better.

US

Waiting For You

I know I look pathetic... but then again, Do I have a choice?

Here I am, I will continue my life, I will continue to smile, I will go on with my life... That I owe to myself.

But if you could see what's inside this pathetic, disgusting, ridiculous heart of mine, you will see that I am stuck to where I am. I don't see myself with someone longer than a couple of months. I just can't play a role that long.

I love YOU, ONLY YOU!

How I wish I can let you know, voice it all out, take a chance again but I CAN'T! You've hurt me too much before. I can no longer take the pain of being rejected over again.

I choose to play around. I choose to pretend. I choose to stay away. I choose all that, how I wish I can choose not to love you anymore as well... so maybe, just maybe... I can be happy too.

You In My Life

You make me happy. You make me feel complete. You are the love of my life...
I know that you don't love me and there is nothing that I can do. After four years of consistently trying to win your heart, I finally able to realize that I don't stand a chance. It took me a great deal of pain before I relize that. I will not try anymore. I was not able to make you love me when I still deserve it, what more now that I no longer do?

So I will keep on running. I will use the world as my playground. I will put you in the darkest corner of my mind. I will not listen to my heart. I will enjoy life. I will take everything it could offer. If I couldn't have my happiness, then that's fine. I'll survive. I will run and hopefully reality will not able to catch me.

My Birthday

It's my birthday and I feel like I am going nowhere.

All I want is him... and obviously he doesn't want me.

The love of my life is not even aware how deeply I long for his affection.

He is oblivious of the pain I feel every time he fails to notice my existence.

I love him so much that it really hurts.

I love him and I wish he is mine.

I love him and I wish he knew...

RANDOM QUOTES

Ang pag-ibig, parang kape.
pag nasobrahan sa granules, pumapait..

LESSON:don't give too much para sa huli hindi ka bitter..

*****
how do we define an unforgettable moment? its wen the person you like smiles at you for seconds, and you.. spend the rest of the minutes and hours thinking about it..
*****
LOVE is a subject i can't seem to pass..i take it's exams..i do it's projects..i do some extra efforts for it..i make it a priority..and still, i FAIL, get HURT, FALL DOWN, lose myseLf, look CRAZY..but someh0w bey0nd all the fall d0wns..i still find myself ENROLLLING.
****

I HATE YOU

hate you..
because everytime i'm with you
i'm not my usual talkative and perky self
you make me appreciate silence...
as you presence envelopes me

i hate you..
because you're the master of disguise
from being an idiotic jerk
to a sweet, sensitive guy
you never fail to make me smile
to think that you were the first to make me cry...

i hate you
because you complete me
and now that you're gone
i can never be whole again..

i hate you
because everytime we talk i feel right
but when i hung up i feel so miserable
coz i know i can never be as happy as then
caz i know things aren't the same

i hate you
because each moment you look at me
with those sweet, hopeful eyes
i begin hoping too.. without knowing
how long this "hope" would last

i hate you
because you're there and i'm here...
and even if i try to deny it... or even forget it
in your own little way
you make me fall in love with you again
though i know i shouldn't
and you make me realize
how much i still am...

Have You Ever...?

Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are
right beside you and yet you can never have them.....when the moment you
can't feel them under your fingertips you miss them?
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying something and wishing
you had not,or saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be
afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your
heart
... but if you don't, you might break theirs.
Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid
of losing what you already had with that person? Your heart decides who it
likes and who it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it
on its own.... when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that
other person was too afraid to let you? Too many of us stay walled because
we
are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not
care as much, or at all.
Have you ever loved someone and they had absolutely no idea whatsoever?
Or fell for your best-friend in the entire world,
and then sat around and watched him/her fall for someone else?
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of
rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid
....afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of
what will
be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie.... the thing we fear
grows stronger.
Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person
who has to look back and wonder what they would have, or could have had.


No one waits forever...

THE ART OF LETTING GO

That person is gone.
Why do we have to part while
the love is still there?
Why do we have to suffer?
Why do we have to cry when
somebody bids goodbye?
Why do beginnings have an end?
Why do we have to meet
only to lose in the end?

There are questions left unanswered,
words left unsaid, letters left unread,
poems left undone, songs left unsung,
love left unexpressed,
promises left unfulfilled.

In a relationship,
one of the hardest things to do
is saying goodbye and letting go.
It is as hard as breaking a crystal
because you’ll never know when you
will be able to pick up the pieces again.
More often than not, they who go,
feel not the pain of parting:
it is they who stay behind that suffer,
because they are left
with memories of a love
that was meant to be,
a love that was.

At the beginning and at the end
of a relationship,
we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone.
Unfair as it may seem,
but that’s the way love goes.
That’s the drama, the bittersweet
and the risk of falling in love.
After all, nothing is constant but change.
Everything will eventually come to its end
without us knowing when,
without us knowing how,
without us even knowing why.
And we must forget not because we have to
but because we have to.

In letting go, sorrows come
not as a single spy but in battalion.
It seems that everywhere you go,
everything you do,
every song you hear,
every turn of your head,
every move of your body,
every beat of your heart,
every blink of your eye and every breath
you take always reminds you of him.
It’s like a stab of a knife,
a torture in the night.
Funny how the whole world
becomes depopulated
when only one person is missing.
Just imagine,
there are billion people on earth
and yet it seems you feel lonely
and empty without the other.

I don’t know if it’s worth calling an art,
but letting go entails
special skills sparkled
with a considerable space and time.
Time heals all wounds but it takes
a little push on our part.
Acceptance plays a part.
Not all love stories end with
“…and they live happily ever after.”

Sometimes we have to part because of
circumstances beyond our control.
We have to suffer if it would
mean happiness for others.
We have to cry to
temporarily let go of the pains.
Every beginning has its end
like every dawn has its dusk.
It’s something we can’t control,
something we had to live up.

It’s over.
That persons gone. But life has to go on.
Goodbye doesn’t always mean forever.
There will always be a place and time
where questions will be answered,
words will be spoken,
letters will be read,
poems will be recited in the night,
songs will be sung in harmony,
love will be expressed in solitude and
promises will be fulfilled.
Somewhere. Somehow. Someday.

Hopefully!!!!!!!

My Silent Love

Have you ever been silently in love
With someone you can never have?
So close you can touch their hand
Yet, so far to feel their heart?

Have you ever lived in pretense
Quietly loving without any condition?
A feeling of love that’s unknown
Hiding it, not knowing for how long.

Have you ever fallen deeply
Loving the person unconditionally?
So afraid to say what you feel
Acting normal, keeping things still.

Have you ever been hurt unintentionally
But put on a smile, pretended to be happy?
Deep inside you’re in pain and suffering
But outside you’re jolly and laughing.

Why does holding their hand feel so right?
Your heart smiles every time their at sight
Hearing their sweet voice makes your day
Hope you can hug them in a special way.

The Love of My Life...(part V)

He is like the very essence of my happiness…. Whenever I am feeling blue, I just think of this guy and I can already kiss all my worries away… He is my one true love… I love him with all my heart… I never thought such intense love is possible until I met him… He makes the sun shine just by smiling… Heaven is within reach whenever he is near… I love him… I love him…. I love him… I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!! How I wish he could love me too but he doesn’t …. He never did… no matter how hard I try to fool myself that he somehow did… Well, it is better if I just stay real… so what if he doesn’t love me? I love him too much… that’s enough…. He will always be the most special person in my life…. the Love of my Life…..

The Love of My Life...(part IV)

My love,

Yeah, I know I said before I won’t do this again but hey! By now you should already know me that when it comes to you I was never sensible. I always keep on breaking my word and come running back to you. You are my most precious memory. A memory I will forever cherish. You are the love of my life. I will always love you. Just staring at a picture of you, i can instantly feel my heart overflowing with love… Even up to now!!! Damn! Mahal talaga kita… Mahal na mahal…. Well, sayang nga lang kasi hindi ka para sa akin pero okay lang. Sa tagal ba namang paulit ulit na iniyakan iyan di ko pa ba naman ba matanggap? Walong taon na yun ha! Kung ganyan ba naman kasi kaguwapo, ka charming at ganyan ka sweet, mapigilan mo kaya ang sarili mo to indulge in what they may call foolishness?

Always,

The Love of My Life...(part III)

I will risk my life to protect you….It hurts me so bad to see the person I love hurting. I will do anything just to make sure he will be happy. I will protect him with all my might. I will make sure that no harm will come to him. He is the very air that I breathe. I need him to keep me alive. I need him so much. He is an essential part of me. Life without him is not considered a life at all it is just mere existence I am letting him go not because I dont love him but more so because I dont want to hurt him anymore. I swear to protect him even to myself. I am willing to let go of my happiness just to make sure that he will get his. The pain of setting the only person you love this much go is unbearable… why does it hurt so much? If reincarnation is real and I will be given another life. I hope we will not meet again. I want to be happy…

Dear God, please take care of him. He is kind of stupid and misguided. He tends to be careless too so can you please make sure that he will be happy and be able to keep that hapiness. If the happiness meant for him is not enough, take mine and give it also to him. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine as long as he is….

The Love of My Life...(part II)

I call him “The Man of My Dreams” because the only place I can have him is in my dreams…..

If only I have the power to turn back time and stop it from turning… I will perhaps still be happy by now. All I have are the memories of what used to be. The love of my life is a jerk but damn! I love that jerk sooooo much. I remember trying to move heaven and earth for him to love me. I remember begging and pleading to God to let him be mine. I never wanted anything or anyone so bad that I am willing to trade my soul for his love. I remember being intentionally stupid and insensitive just to keep him at my side. How I wish I could pour down to words how much he means to me… his power over me… how great he is… how much I wanted him to be mine…. I remember crying a river for him and I also remember telling myself to come back and continue fighting for his love.

However, there are so many things that happened. It had been years. Many things have changed mostly about me… I realize that I can’t fight for you anymore… not because I dont want to, God knows that I will not even hesitate to give my life for you. I would do anything to win your love. … I can’t fight for you because there is really no fight even from the beggining. You never loved me. I was never that special to you. My love for you is so strong that even time and success are not able to make it fade. My heart is screaming of too much love for you… that is why I decided not to come back, you are the only person that I can never ever hurt kahit gaano pa kasakit ang gawin mo sa akin… I know you so well, I know your flaws pero tangina!!!! Mahal talaga kita. I can’t take the risk of entering your life and perhaps out desperateness to win your heart, I might do some things that would unintentionally hurt you. No! I can’t do that… The devil that I am is of no power when it comes to you.Actually, Kung ano man ang sakit na nararamdaman mo ngayon kung posible lang na hilingin sa Diyos to allow me to carry your burden so I would see that smile in your face. I would not hesitate to do so. I am stupid and out of control when it comes to you… Therefore unlike others who found their true love, I can’t promise to fight for you, I can’t promise to be by your side always… there is nothing that I could except for loving you until I draw my very last breath. I promise that I will ALWAYS love you, no matter what….

Why do I love someone whose love was never mine?

Why is that there is “you” and “me” but never an “us”?

More About Me….

I am COMPLICATED. That is actually a fact, an information obtained by numerous studies by one EQ genius named after me.A number of phenomenons had brought me to this conclusion. I analyzed the subject (which is myself) through color psychological test. The result? I am the blackest of black and the whitest of white. To make that more complicated those colors doesn’t mix. It just stayed in its spot, making my color what? Spotted? (eew!!! What the bloody fuckin hell is that?) When i got my heart bloody shattered, I started questioning what I believed about myself. It introduced me to the extremely weak person that i could be. Ironically, at the very same time, I’ve learned how extremely strong I also am. Speaking of this bastard jerk ex of mine. Everytime I think about him, a litany of curses uttered by me is a common scenario. However there are also times that I would smile at myself and tell him how proud am I of him for having the balls to let me go, and I’m fuckin sincere about it. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t love him anymore. Every night that I would pray to God before I lay down to close my eyes. I would beg him to not give me anymore problems but when I wake up, I would find myself being problematic because I don’t have a problem. I am confused. I am a person without any dreams. My dream so to speak is to have a dream. Can I get more complicated? I bloody think so. I’m a psycho.

THE LOWEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE

The lowest of low and the darkest of dark part of my life is when my ex –boyfriend left me. I had built my world upon him. He was one of the important bases of my dreams and goals. He was a vital part of me. All my dreams and plans exist with him on it. I was so used of having him around. I’ve loved him extremely. When he left, he shaterred me into pieces. I’ve waited for a long time for him to come back and restore me to be whole again. I’ve been a good girlfriend in the first place. In the darkness, I’ve waited for him. It was so cold there. I was all alone. No dreams. No identity. I not only lost him but i lost myself as well.I don’t know ‘ME.’ I only know ‘US.’ I’ve lost the person that I was before. I found it so hard to be jolly,contented, fulfilled and lovely when my heart was out of sight, if he was out of my sight.There was a lot of times I would feel so dead and yet I could hear my heart beating. There were many times I felt like the world was crashed and ended, yet, everything around me still exist. I felt so bad that world continued to go on and it goes on without me…

About me....

I’m a very complex person. I’m an angel and a witch. I have a very high standard when it comes to the people I associate myself with. I hate jerks who think they are God’s gift to women. I hate April Boy Regino. I hate Joseph Estrada. I hate most politicians since I believe that 90% of their statements are lies which are just sprinkled with bits of truth. I hate my jerk ex who left me for a creature that looks like a rat. On the other hand, I like sensitive, non judgmental people. I like being with smart creatures who can make me think. I like handsome and charming guys. I love the character of the phantom in the phantom of the opera. I like Superman. I think he is cute.

There are so many things that I believe in. I had seen the beauty of the world. I had seen it on its worst and most hideous form as well. I experience love, joy, despair, disappointment, frustration, depression, pain, resurrection, redemption… I experience living with faith alone, and living without it. I believe in God and all of His magnificent glory, though there were times I want to doubt if he can really hear me. I believe God loves me so much, so much He will take away anyone I would love more than I love Him. I believed that happiness is a matter of choice. I believe that anything that couldn’t kill me would only make me stronger. I believe that life is a game and God is my playmate. I believe that I am more evil than most people thought. I believe that I am unfair most of the time. I believe that I am an evil genius. I believe that I am beautiful. I believe that I deserve all the pain that I experienced and more. I believe that God has been so good to me for forgiving me even when I can’t forgive myself. And finally, I believe I will learn to believe in a lot of things as time goes by….

The Love of My Life...

I don't just miss him... I miss him a lot. It's like losing your eyes, yes, you'll survive but you always know something is missing. Yes, I know that's stupid he's never been mine to begin with... but there are things that are beyond my control. Every now and then, I find myself thinking of him, wondering if he is doing well. I hope he is doing well. I seldom pray but in my prayers he is always there. I cannot be around to take care of the love of my life so I always pray that the One above will do the job. I wish to say more, maybe that will ease the deep lingering pain, but then again... what for??? It's been years, somehow I am but a vague memory to him. I should have been married by now or perhaps in a serious long term relationship but how can I? I left my heart with him when I walked out of the grounds of CCP when I graduated... I never had it back since then.

RANDOM QUOTES

*The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.

*The difference between try and triumph is a little umph. ~Author Unknown

*Put your future in good hands - your own. ~Author Unknown

*Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

*Teamwork…means never having to take all the blame yourself

*A friend is someone who has the same enemies you have

*Copying from a single source is called plagiarism, copying from multiple source is called research

LOVE QUOTES

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. ~Lamartine

Invisible tears are the hardest to wipe away


I hate the day, because it lendeth light
To see all things, but not my love to see.
~Edmund Spenser

We do not remember days; we remember moments

YOU LEARN

After A While You Learn....
the subtle difference between holding a hand,
and chaining a soul.
And You Learn...
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security.
And You Begin To Learn...
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead,
with the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After A While You Learn...
That even sunshine burns if you ask too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And You Learn...
that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth.
And You Learn...
And You Learn...
With every goodbye, you learn.

This Too Shall Pass

If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be-

If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing about me,
Secure in the knowledge God loves me
When everyone else seems to doubt me-

If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too-

Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all of the chains

That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear-
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
he leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul.
He leads me in right path
for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I fear no evil;
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff—
they comfort me.

⁵You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
my whole life long.

Better In Time

I will not deny such effects you had in me... after all, I've had my whole world wrapped in your existence for more than a year... I've loved you... It was hard. It was painful... but then again, one has to do, what one has to do.... I need to move on and hopefully it will be all better in time.


It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming
Thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All that I know is I'mma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I'll believe in
And I know time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'mma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

MY ANSWER

You: Can we still be friends?

Me: We can be friends when the time comes that I no longer feel like breaking down whenever I see our pictures together or hear our song in the radio. It is when I no longer have to fight the tears when I passed by the places we used to spend hours with. It is when I can look straight in your eyes and no longer feel the need to cross the distance and tell you I forgive you for breaking my heart and plead you for us to start again. It is when I can make new dreams again since most of my dreams are built around you. It is when I learn to accept the truth and not be bitter about how you easily turn your back at me and replace me with someone new.

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"SONIA" by Francisco Icasiano

"Pain I have realized is only beautiful only when one can rise from it's depressing power. I have known people who have become cynical and bitter under the lash of sorrow; and I have known some who never recovered from anguish. My experience is only important only so far as it may help others toward growth; it is worthless to me if it implies vanity."I never realized pain's beauty since I felt it. I was always cynical and bitter through the months but still, I believed that i'll recover. I was optimistic. Believing that one day, everything will fall back into place. I can finally move on and live a peaceful life, but after recieveing the news that he's leaving, I felt my whole world was shattering apart. Now I believe that friendship is like a broken mirror. No matter how hard you try to fix it, you'll just end up getting hurt. I tried it yesterday, and what do I get? My crushed pride,broken heart and swollen eyes. It's really effing hard when the only one who can understand your pain is yourself. When others would just keep their minds shut and believe in what they think is right. I've lost hope now. Even my closest friends said that I should leave things the way they are for I can't do anything about something that is already done. Now, I finally decided to keep it that way. Be contented and make the most out of the remaining days we have. Cherish his presence and our memories. For after 3 weeks, the former will be gone. Forever.I've woken up from a dream. Reality must have bitten me hard this time. Coz during my most depressing and devastating moments, I realized that if I don't stop now, i'll be expecting more painful realizations ahead. I can never be like Mikaela. She got the closure that she wanted and surpassed the pain of unrequited love. Nor Denise who strived hard to be worthy for the guy of her dreams. Now, I must turn myself over my art. My outlet of my failed dreams. My writings."This realization of reality must make a real artist of a man. Broken with pain, the soul dies to be reborn, stringer and more beautiful; enriched and enobled by sorrow, the artist in the man rises above himselfl shorn of all fineries and prettiness-- all nonessential, in a word-- the artist flows naturally toward the infinited whither of all artistic effort must be directed"No grudges,no hard feelings, just...Unbearable pain and sorrow.

Let's Make a Deal

You forgive me for liking you too much,And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.
You forgive me for missing you so,And I'll forgive you for being so cold.
You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,And I'll forgive you for not hearing it.
You forgive me for playing your games,And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.
You forgive me for finding you so attractive,And I'll forgive you for not noticing.
You forgive me for raising you up so high,And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.
You forgive me for wanting to be with you,And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.
You forgive me for being so pathetic,And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.
You forgive me for not being able to let go,And I'll forgive you for never having latched on.
You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,And I'll forgive you for crushing them.
Forgiveness brings inner peace.Do we have a deal?