My Silent Love

Have you ever been silently in love
With someone you can never have?
So close you can touch their hand
Yet, so far to feel their heart?

Have you ever lived in pretense
Quietly loving without any condition?
A feeling of love that’s unknown
Hiding it, not knowing for how long.

Have you ever fallen deeply
Loving the person unconditionally?
So afraid to say what you feel
Acting normal, keeping things still.

Have you ever been hurt unintentionally
But put on a smile, pretended to be happy?
Deep inside you’re in pain and suffering
But outside you’re jolly and laughing.

Why does holding their hand feel so right?
Your heart smiles every time their at sight
Hearing their sweet voice makes your day
Hope you can hug them in a special way.

The Love of My Life...(part V)

He is like the very essence of my happiness…. Whenever I am feeling blue, I just think of this guy and I can already kiss all my worries away… He is my one true love… I love him with all my heart… I never thought such intense love is possible until I met him… He makes the sun shine just by smiling… Heaven is within reach whenever he is near… I love him… I love him…. I love him… I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!! How I wish he could love me too but he doesn’t …. He never did… no matter how hard I try to fool myself that he somehow did… Well, it is better if I just stay real… so what if he doesn’t love me? I love him too much… that’s enough…. He will always be the most special person in my life…. the Love of my Life…..

The Love of My Life...(part IV)

My love,

Yeah, I know I said before I won’t do this again but hey! By now you should already know me that when it comes to you I was never sensible. I always keep on breaking my word and come running back to you. You are my most precious memory. A memory I will forever cherish. You are the love of my life. I will always love you. Just staring at a picture of you, i can instantly feel my heart overflowing with love… Even up to now!!! Damn! Mahal talaga kita… Mahal na mahal…. Well, sayang nga lang kasi hindi ka para sa akin pero okay lang. Sa tagal ba namang paulit ulit na iniyakan iyan di ko pa ba naman ba matanggap? Walong taon na yun ha! Kung ganyan ba naman kasi kaguwapo, ka charming at ganyan ka sweet, mapigilan mo kaya ang sarili mo to indulge in what they may call foolishness?

Always,

The Love of My Life...(part III)

I will risk my life to protect you….It hurts me so bad to see the person I love hurting. I will do anything just to make sure he will be happy. I will protect him with all my might. I will make sure that no harm will come to him. He is the very air that I breathe. I need him to keep me alive. I need him so much. He is an essential part of me. Life without him is not considered a life at all it is just mere existence I am letting him go not because I dont love him but more so because I dont want to hurt him anymore. I swear to protect him even to myself. I am willing to let go of my happiness just to make sure that he will get his. The pain of setting the only person you love this much go is unbearable… why does it hurt so much? If reincarnation is real and I will be given another life. I hope we will not meet again. I want to be happy…

Dear God, please take care of him. He is kind of stupid and misguided. He tends to be careless too so can you please make sure that he will be happy and be able to keep that hapiness. If the happiness meant for him is not enough, take mine and give it also to him. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine as long as he is….

The Love of My Life...(part II)

I call him “The Man of My Dreams” because the only place I can have him is in my dreams…..

If only I have the power to turn back time and stop it from turning… I will perhaps still be happy by now. All I have are the memories of what used to be. The love of my life is a jerk but damn! I love that jerk sooooo much. I remember trying to move heaven and earth for him to love me. I remember begging and pleading to God to let him be mine. I never wanted anything or anyone so bad that I am willing to trade my soul for his love. I remember being intentionally stupid and insensitive just to keep him at my side. How I wish I could pour down to words how much he means to me… his power over me… how great he is… how much I wanted him to be mine…. I remember crying a river for him and I also remember telling myself to come back and continue fighting for his love.

However, there are so many things that happened. It had been years. Many things have changed mostly about me… I realize that I can’t fight for you anymore… not because I dont want to, God knows that I will not even hesitate to give my life for you. I would do anything to win your love. … I can’t fight for you because there is really no fight even from the beggining. You never loved me. I was never that special to you. My love for you is so strong that even time and success are not able to make it fade. My heart is screaming of too much love for you… that is why I decided not to come back, you are the only person that I can never ever hurt kahit gaano pa kasakit ang gawin mo sa akin… I know you so well, I know your flaws pero tangina!!!! Mahal talaga kita. I can’t take the risk of entering your life and perhaps out desperateness to win your heart, I might do some things that would unintentionally hurt you. No! I can’t do that… The devil that I am is of no power when it comes to you.Actually, Kung ano man ang sakit na nararamdaman mo ngayon kung posible lang na hilingin sa Diyos to allow me to carry your burden so I would see that smile in your face. I would not hesitate to do so. I am stupid and out of control when it comes to you… Therefore unlike others who found their true love, I can’t promise to fight for you, I can’t promise to be by your side always… there is nothing that I could except for loving you until I draw my very last breath. I promise that I will ALWAYS love you, no matter what….

Why do I love someone whose love was never mine?

Why is that there is “you” and “me” but never an “us”?

More About Me….

I am COMPLICATED. That is actually a fact, an information obtained by numerous studies by one EQ genius named after me.A number of phenomenons had brought me to this conclusion. I analyzed the subject (which is myself) through color psychological test. The result? I am the blackest of black and the whitest of white. To make that more complicated those colors doesn’t mix. It just stayed in its spot, making my color what? Spotted? (eew!!! What the bloody fuckin hell is that?) When i got my heart bloody shattered, I started questioning what I believed about myself. It introduced me to the extremely weak person that i could be. Ironically, at the very same time, I’ve learned how extremely strong I also am. Speaking of this bastard jerk ex of mine. Everytime I think about him, a litany of curses uttered by me is a common scenario. However there are also times that I would smile at myself and tell him how proud am I of him for having the balls to let me go, and I’m fuckin sincere about it. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t love him anymore. Every night that I would pray to God before I lay down to close my eyes. I would beg him to not give me anymore problems but when I wake up, I would find myself being problematic because I don’t have a problem. I am confused. I am a person without any dreams. My dream so to speak is to have a dream. Can I get more complicated? I bloody think so. I’m a psycho.

THE LOWEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE

The lowest of low and the darkest of dark part of my life is when my ex –boyfriend left me. I had built my world upon him. He was one of the important bases of my dreams and goals. He was a vital part of me. All my dreams and plans exist with him on it. I was so used of having him around. I’ve loved him extremely. When he left, he shaterred me into pieces. I’ve waited for a long time for him to come back and restore me to be whole again. I’ve been a good girlfriend in the first place. In the darkness, I’ve waited for him. It was so cold there. I was all alone. No dreams. No identity. I not only lost him but i lost myself as well.I don’t know ‘ME.’ I only know ‘US.’ I’ve lost the person that I was before. I found it so hard to be jolly,contented, fulfilled and lovely when my heart was out of sight, if he was out of my sight.There was a lot of times I would feel so dead and yet I could hear my heart beating. There were many times I felt like the world was crashed and ended, yet, everything around me still exist. I felt so bad that world continued to go on and it goes on without me…

About me....

I’m a very complex person. I’m an angel and a witch. I have a very high standard when it comes to the people I associate myself with. I hate jerks who think they are God’s gift to women. I hate April Boy Regino. I hate Joseph Estrada. I hate most politicians since I believe that 90% of their statements are lies which are just sprinkled with bits of truth. I hate my jerk ex who left me for a creature that looks like a rat. On the other hand, I like sensitive, non judgmental people. I like being with smart creatures who can make me think. I like handsome and charming guys. I love the character of the phantom in the phantom of the opera. I like Superman. I think he is cute.

There are so many things that I believe in. I had seen the beauty of the world. I had seen it on its worst and most hideous form as well. I experience love, joy, despair, disappointment, frustration, depression, pain, resurrection, redemption… I experience living with faith alone, and living without it. I believe in God and all of His magnificent glory, though there were times I want to doubt if he can really hear me. I believe God loves me so much, so much He will take away anyone I would love more than I love Him. I believed that happiness is a matter of choice. I believe that anything that couldn’t kill me would only make me stronger. I believe that life is a game and God is my playmate. I believe that I am more evil than most people thought. I believe that I am unfair most of the time. I believe that I am an evil genius. I believe that I am beautiful. I believe that I deserve all the pain that I experienced and more. I believe that God has been so good to me for forgiving me even when I can’t forgive myself. And finally, I believe I will learn to believe in a lot of things as time goes by….

The Love of My Life...

I don't just miss him... I miss him a lot. It's like losing your eyes, yes, you'll survive but you always know something is missing. Yes, I know that's stupid he's never been mine to begin with... but there are things that are beyond my control. Every now and then, I find myself thinking of him, wondering if he is doing well. I hope he is doing well. I seldom pray but in my prayers he is always there. I cannot be around to take care of the love of my life so I always pray that the One above will do the job. I wish to say more, maybe that will ease the deep lingering pain, but then again... what for??? It's been years, somehow I am but a vague memory to him. I should have been married by now or perhaps in a serious long term relationship but how can I? I left my heart with him when I walked out of the grounds of CCP when I graduated... I never had it back since then.

RANDOM QUOTES

*The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.

*The difference between try and triumph is a little umph. ~Author Unknown

*Put your future in good hands - your own. ~Author Unknown

*Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

*Teamwork…means never having to take all the blame yourself

*A friend is someone who has the same enemies you have

*Copying from a single source is called plagiarism, copying from multiple source is called research

LOVE QUOTES

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated. ~Lamartine

Invisible tears are the hardest to wipe away


I hate the day, because it lendeth light
To see all things, but not my love to see.
~Edmund Spenser

We do not remember days; we remember moments